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My sexless marriage | hylierandom's Blog


My Soon To Be Ex is an asexual, in denial...and she does not understand why I am ending it. It's because it was guaranteed unhappiness.

Now, the emotional abuse *might* have been fixable.She might have, with a lot of work, learned to stop treating me like I was a moron. But she hated having sex. She HATED it. I think she'd hate it with anyone, although she blamed me for not doing it correctly. Maybe I wasn't very good, but to leave me in agony? was that okay?

If my STBX had allowed me sex outside of the marriage, then her being asexual would not have been a dealbreaker for me. But I could not be sexual with her without making her angry and myself depressed. I could not be sexual with anyone else and remained married to her.

I asked for an open marriage, since sex disgusted her, and she refused, so we struggled on, and both of us were dreading "sex night."

Then I realized she was asexual. I asked her if she'd ever lusted after someone's body, desired to be physically sexual, at any time in her life, and she said no.

I had already determined I could not be happy living a celibate life, and it wasn't what I had signed up for, either. I was doing the two of us no favors. Staying with her meant I had to commit myself to a life of guaranteed unhappiness. That's what she was asking me to do. That's neither a sane nor caring thing to ask another person to do for you.

I ended it. She's angry. I just see how I believed her lies and words over her actions all these years because I LOVED her.

And I don't ever want to love like that again.

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